Thursday, October 14, 2010

How would you remember me?

You ever have those days where your left sitting deep in thought but yet your mind is racing and you can't collect your thoughts? Wait did that make any sense? Well I have had some deep thoughts recently about life, my children, my family, and friends! I came to the conclusion that I was going to do some inventory of things in my life. My thoughts on this are can't have too much of some things but can have a stock pile of crap that you need to get rid of! So you can't have too much love, fun, family time, good health, or hopes and dreams. However you can always stand to shed some drama, hate, judgements, and anger. If your like me you can spend a lot of time holding on to anger and resentment it will eat at you if you let it. I thought to myself if I spent those minutes doing something productive or praying, instead of sitting and brewing over hurt feelings or anger toward someone who had done me wrong. I have had an eye opening week. Life is sometimes so short, a girl I went to school with was pregnant and lost her life leaving behind a tiny little 3 lb baby. It is such a tragedy that it makes this little tiff I had seem so petty!

People come into your life for a reason. Sometimes they are there forever and sometimes I think they are meant to teach you a life lesson and then you move on. I know that growing up I was an only child and always very lonely. I turn to my friends as if they are family and lean on them for love and support. I have some terrific friends that I love dearly! I have learned that everyone is different, we all have different opinions and reasons behind our decisions in life. I think we are quick to judge others thinking that our way is the "RIGHT" way, but if you really sit back and think, if everyone did everything the same way and thought the same way how boring would life be?? I am very lucky that my husband and I have the same goals and have gone through these struggles together. We have sat down and realized we are at a point in our lives where we aren't kids anymore we have kids so now is the time to make changes! WE have to start saving for our future and getting involved in our community and in charity events. We need to be in church and active in staying healthy. My husband tells me all the time to stop caring what other people think. Their opinions don't matter and don't pay our bills lol!

I also have sat and thought a lot about what if it had been me that died? How would I be remembered? Would you remember me for my blog? Would you remember me for being a gossip or selfish? I know these are not things I'm proud of, I'm not perfect and VERY aware of that fact, but I wonder, what would people remember about me? I am very troubled thinking about the answers I might get one can fix this but me! I will make an effort from this day forward to keep my opinions to myself, to not judge others, to not sit and gossip, and to have my priorities straight! I will fail many times but I will make an effort and work on my faults. I will also try to be more productive and do something that matters. My first project, I am going to do a 5k in honor of Kyle, a very good friend of mine that was killing in action over seas! Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Words Hurt

We all start out as little kids being told don't say anything if you don't have anything nice to say! Well I am here to say the same rings true at 5 and 55! Words hurt! I have been through the ringer with my mother and my step dad as a teen growing up. I have been called every name in the book and you would think I would have developed a thick skin but that's not the case. Words hurt. They can be more painful than punching you in the face. And sometimes they can make you want to punch someone in the face. I learn lessons the hard way, I always have. My husband and I are just fresh out of bankruptcy, that is something very personal that I am putting out there for the world to see! I am not proud of it but I am a firm believer that you live and you learn! Some of our financial problems were our own fault! I own that! Some however were not. My husband had hospital bills that were not his doing an ambulance was called and he had no choice and no insurance, did I mention he was a senior in high school but an adult in Alabama! So he got stuck with the bills and of course didn't have the money to fight it. After they started garnishing his wages we fell behind and couldn't catch up! Yeah we are not perfect, we have made dumb decisions  and not always had our priorities straight but I think that's part of being young and not having responsibilities. Once you have done all these dumb things and dug yourself a hole it is really tough to get back out! I am not proud of these things but willing to own my mistakes and accept them!

Now when someone who knows these very personal things about you goes and throws it in your face and takes digs at you, it hurts! When your friends with someone I suppose there are different levels of friendship and sometimes you can make bad choices with friendship! Once someone burns you, I mean really burns you its probably a good idea to cut ties and move on! The old saying there are more fish in the sea applies to friendships also!People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes they are there to stay forever and some are there only to teach you a lesson and then they have played their part and will move on! I am growing and changing as a person everyday! I learn and grow and try to change and do better every single day! I am currently trying to make better financial decisions and get my life in order with God. These are two of the most important things to me right now! I'm not perfect and have never claimed to be! I think something like this happening is a wake up call! Being hurt by someone is suppose to be family is more painful than just being a friend. I am not a teenager anymore, I am a grown adult woman who is also a wife and a mother. Those are my priorities in life now! I don't work because I choose to raise my children at home! There are several reasons behind a big ONE is I can't afford daycare, why would I work to pay someone to raise my children? Now if I were making good money and there were money left over after day care I would work to help my life easier for my family! Not working is hard, we suffer money wise alot more and my husband lives at his job killing himself working twelve hour days for days at a time with no off days for weeks sometimes. Am I looking for sympathy not at all just stating a fact! It is a personal choice. I feel like yeah we may have to be tighter with money for me to stay home but my babies are only babies for a short while and I am loving getting to raise them and bond with them! These are times I will always cherish! Now with that said to each his own. I have been called selfish for staying home with my children when I could work and make life easier, really? Would my life be easier if I worked a 40 hour a week job and had 100$ left over after daycare? O and someone else raised my child that week. Anyway with out trying to harp and gripe. I am just trying to make a point that everyone has their own reasons for everything and the man up stairs is the ONLY persons opinion who matters! I try to be a people pleaser alot of times and not hurt people. I have grown up alot since I had kids and I am realizing whats important to me. Some people matter and some you should just LET EM GO! So I am going to try to practice what I preach. I am not going to stoop to the high school level instead I am going to sit and blog about it and realize some people may read this and agree and others may think I'm nuts. For that matter no one may read this at all which is fine too! I need to get things off my chest and this is my outlet! If you have some words of encouragement or wanna tell me what you think feel free! I am always open to opinions, you know what they say about opinions!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My O My

My son Bryant is 3 and I mean he is something else! He has this imagination that will blow your mind. I thought I'd take this peaceful evening to share a few stories about him and his little stunts while he and his little brother lay here sleeping kinda early for them!

Lets start by saying if you know my son then your used to seeing him like this, if not, yes he does own pants and shoes but he chooses not to wear them most of the time! Bryant has formed an obsession with Santa Claus as well as westerns. Now we are talking about a three year old sitting and watching Lonesome Dove, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Bonanza, and of course The Santa Clause 1, 2, and 3! He has such a vivid imagination, when he tells you stories he stammers over his words trying to let his mouth catch up with his brain! He sits and talks about Santa A LOT! We pass by houses and he says look mommy they have a chimney for Santa but no weather vein for John Wayne's hat ( if you have ever seen McClintock this will make more sense). So Bryant tells these elaborate stories about snakes and guns and hats and horses. So a couple weeks ago he says to my next door neighbor, when I was a kid I was riding my dirt bike and I fell off and broke my leg and had to go to the hospital but it was OK I got over it! Where he comes up with these stories is beyond me! His wheels never stop turning!

This is from like a year ago so no my 3 year old isn't still in diapers just in case your wondering!

 So tonight my husband was running to the store and shut the door as he went to leave, Bryant runs over to me crying and says mommy please open that door I have to tell daddy something. I open the door and stop my husband in the driveway. Bryant yells out I love you watch out for cars, traffic is a 5 be careful. I busted out laughing and hugged him up at the same time. He was thinking of his daddies safety, who knew a 3 year old thought that way? Tonight while grocery shopping he sang his ABC's and at the end clapped and said way to go Bryant your so smart. He is just so observant and caring. He is always saying things like mommy your my best friend and my angel and I love you 5. 5 is alot in case I didn't mention that earlier.

He recently got all his play guns taken away because the obsession with westerns had gotten way out of hand and I hit a breaking point. One day while cleaning the kitchen he came running in on his stick horse of course with his hat and holster and spurs on his cowboy boots keep in mind for your mental pic here he is only wearing undies and all these accessories. He yells at me that he is going to blow my brains out, well I flipped my lid took every little toy gun away and put them up very very high and gave him a very long talking to! Well the other day he was asked by a family friend where are your guns and he said mommy took them away I hurt her feelings and was ugly but I'm gonna get them back soon. Later that day I was giving him a bath and he looked at me very serious and said... mommy what do I need to do to get those guns back I sure do miss them! Well he hasn't gotten them back but I think I am about to give in very soon because he seems so empty without his western wear. There are gonna be some stricter rules and more discussions about how back in those days things were alot different but that baby loves those westerns more than any cartoon!

This is him winning at a birthday party, let me say all the other 15 kids are busy jumping in the bounce house we are all in a panic looking for my son everywhere. He was found climbing out of this, I screamed oh Bryant where were you, he very calmly said right here winning these games mommy.

I am always amazed by him he is so smart and so sweet. He threw up while play fighting with his daddy and he was sitting in the tub getting scrubbed down and he looked up so sweet and said mommy I didn't mean to throw up on your bed I'm sorry! He melts me! I wanna be so mad sometimes but then he smiles and I remember how fast that baby is growing up and I have to work extra hard to punish him! I am wrapped around his little finger! Now with that said sometimes I feel like all I do is yell at him to stop!, don't do that, quit touching your brother, please stop screaming, omg where did all that water come from, but he is such a blessing, I love that baby! Now I have to go sleep cause he will have me up...way to early!

Mom Jeans

Ok so if you have kids and ended up with this strange body that your not sure is yours then I am right there with you. Things are not the same as they used to be! There are things that need to be hidden or disguised that just aren't so pretty like they used to be. Well I follow a blog that I love, Mommy Wants Freebies. She is always doing give aways and I came across some "mom" jeans. They claim to make you look 10 lbs slimmer in 10 seconds. I of course joined the fun of trying to win the giveaway so I am going to give you a link so you can too! So go try for your free pair!

Mommy Wants Freebies: My new favorite jeans - MiracleBody! Review and Giveaway!

Mommy Wants Freebies: My new favorite jeans - MiracleBody! Review and Giveaway!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

What do you want to do before you die?

Sorry it has been a little while since I have written but things can get insane with a three year old and three month old! I was sitting here watching this show on MTV and they ask the question What do you want to do before you die?  So I was sitting here pondering what do I want to do? Life is short and you should live everyday to its fullest something I really need to start doing! So here is my list of what I'd like to do before I die.
I want to see these two little boys grow up and live life to its fullest!

I want to visit L.A. as well as NYC and Italy!

I want to finish college!

I want to finally be happy with myself and gain some sort of self esteem and confidence!

I want to design and help build a house for my family to grow up in!

I want to feel like I have made a difference, been a great mother and wife, and wonderful friend.

I want to LIVE!

Now it's your turn, tell me what you want to do!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Teen Mom Makes Me SICK!

I am going to devote an entire blog to the discussion of the MTV show Teen Mom. Let's first start this by saying birthing a child does not make you a mother! It takes ALOT more than just the act of having the child.

Let's start with Amber simply because she pisses me off more than any of the others! She is a total piece! The way she talks to Gary and Leah is disgusting! She is like a bi polar selfish witch! I have never in my life seen someone talk that way in front of a baby or to a baby. Gary needs to man up and slap her across the face. NO ONE will ever talk to my children or in front of my children the way she does. I don't want to say it is okay for a man to hit a woman but she is not a woman she is a b**ch! I am so appalled by the fact that the authorities have not gone in and taken that child! She is hateful and a poor excuse for a role model!

Farrah, selfish, spoiled and snobby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catelynn did the best thing for her baby, her momma is such a piece of junk, again she is just like Amber!

Maci actually cares about Bentley! I hope she isn't jumping the gun by moving to Nashville!

Sorry to cut this short, had lots more to say! Just found out about a recall on baby formula and I have to find out if its ok for mason to have his!