Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I think if you talk to any mom, you will typically find that we had all rather go grocery shopping alone. It is so much easier and faster! Well this is not always possible and today I decided to venture out to Walmart to use some coupons that were about to expire. Yes, I am on a huge kick with my coupons but if you saw how much more stuff we are able to buy now, it would blow your mind! Anyways, I had quite the trip and learned some what not to dos. Bryant is finally potty trained which is great but going to the bathroom in public can sometimes prove to be a job in itself. We head to the restroom when he starts holding it(literally). So after unloading the buggy of my purse diaper bag and newborn we see that it is closed for cleaning, how wonderful! So of course Mason wakes up right after that ordeal and wants a bottle. So picture me taking up tons of space in the isle, newborn screaming, people staring, and Bryant saying mommy lets go look at toys...NOW! Well I dont know if any of you have tried to hold a baby and bottle, while pushing a buggy and answering 100 questions from a toddler but wow it makes for one LONG and exhausting trip! I am so blessed that God gave me the babies he did, they are miracles and though I find myself wanting to cry alot more these days and doubting myself ALOT, I wouldn't change a thing, I am so blessed to have these wonderful boys in my life. I dont deserve them! Its odd to say but I feel lost when I have to leave Bryant for whatever reason, its like I'm missing a part of me. Well I havent really left Mason yet but I can't wrap my head around these moms who dont want or dont raise their kids. I am lost without mine. I have such a different life than I could have ever imagined, but I wouldnt trade the poop diapers, bottles, messes or diasters for any of the things I used to be into. Never a party, club, or dinner has ever compared to these two boys and the love I have for them!
I am now a mother of two for 3 weeks. Needless to say my life has been flipped upside down! I am no longer snuggling and sleeping late with Bryant, I am up all night with a very fussy, crying Mason and then trying to cat nap on the couch and pray Bryant doesnt tear the house apart. I am very blessed that Bryant is so independant. He will sit in his room and watch a movie orplay with his "mans" as he calls em or do a puzzle. I have kept a terrible headach for days now and shed so many tears it is not even funny. Now I have gone through my fair share of jobs and when we decided to have another baby, I had the thought that maybe this is where I belong, a mom, just raising my kids and taking care of my husband. maybe that is why I never felt like any job suited me. Well I am by no means a wonderful extraordinary mother, but I really do love being with my boys all the time. Knowing I am raising them, shaping and molding them and teaching them, it makes me really happy! Now I am no over the top momma who uses cloth diapers, makes my own baby food and breast feeds. Don't get me wrong I tried breast feeding but it was hard, I am not a big fan of popping the boob out in front of people and to be honest the pain of sore nipples and a starving child going to town on em, well it's not the wonderful bonding experience you think it will be. Did I mention when they are full and he is asleep and your in so much pain or he is crying and ur leaking milk every where? So these moms who do cloth diapers to save the environment and money...kudos I salute you. I am not a huge fan of poop and an even bigger fan of not having to try to figure out what to do with mushy newborn poop. Like seriously where do you put it, obviously the toilet but like then you have to try to get it all off and wash it and I'm sure that I dont want my clothes washed with poop! Motherhood with two is soooo different from just one. I hope that by getting back to my blogging, I can get everything off my chest and keep my sanity!
OMG this has been very stressful, very overwhelming week for me! Mason our newest addition has gone through having his days and nights mixed up to finding out he is allergic to milk! So needless to say I am exhausted! I havent gotten any sleep and there is somethig very emotional about a baby that wont stop crying at 5 am! I have been a basket case! I have felt every emotion possible! I have gone from guilt to anger to overwhelming amounts of stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation! It has been a whirlwind! I am very emotional and I still feel like Mason loves his daddy more! Things are so crazy when you feel like that baby should want his mommy and nothing will calm him down except his dad who has work and cant sit up with him! It has been a little overwhelming. I am hoping for it to all calm down sooN!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
When you loose someone you sit and think about how short life is and how you are not promised a tommorrow. I hope that I don't ever take my husband or babies for granted. I have changed so much over the past few years, I can't imagine my life without my babies. My outlook on life and priorities are so different than they have ever been. Bryant lights up my life with his smile and laugh. That baby is so smart, he amazes me! We can sit and do puzzles and he sings to me and he can count and say his alphabet and even though these are things I hear him do many times a day, it always makes me smile. I am so proud of everything he does, he really has changed my life. Mason is kinda still just chillin out not doin to much but just holding him and having him here with us, makes me melt. God has blessed us in so many ways. I am not a perfect mother by any means, I am sure I fall short so many times a day and without Mark helping me sometimes I don't know how I'd make it! There is no better feeling in this world than the love between me, Mark, and these babies! I am such a lucky woman to have such an awesome husband. Mark is a very special person, he has overcome so much in his life and is truly one of the best people I have ever known! He is a wonderful father, these boys are so lucky! I have had numerous jobs in my life but the best decision I have ever made is staying home to raise my boys. I can honestly say I am in love with 3 boys. They have rocked my world and I will never be the same! I hope that everyone can one day experience having a child and the true love that comes with it!
I have had alot going on and have totally stopped blogging for a while now. I look at my blog as a way of getting things off my chest so I am going to try to not slack off so much, I think it's good for the soul and everyone keeps messaging me saying whered ur blog go lol! So My little guy is finally here. Mason was born June 28th and he is amazing! I am so in love with this little guy! Today is a sad day, we have a death in the family. RIP Jeffrey! Our cousin died yesterday morning, such a sad loss, I have such a special place in my heart for bee bop, i loved that kid! Well ok so enough for now Mason is waking up, more later I promise!