Wednesday, May 26, 2010
So things are tough right now. I am miserable and wanting Mason to be here soooo bad. I have been up all night. I think I literally worried myself sick so I have had no sleep and lots of close calls running to throw up. I am stressing out over money, bills and the fact that I am about to have a baby! I have a little too much on my plate right now and the funny thing is there is nothing I can do to control one bit of it so it is kind of pointless to be so worried. I am just an OCD worrier! I always have been! I get stressed so easy I need to let it be and let God take control of it! It'll all work itself out. I am going to try to be more positive and think about the fact that I have my family and we are healthy. I lost an old friend back 2 weeks ago in Afganistan. He left behind a wife and 6 month old. That really helps put into perspective how life is so short and should be cherished. I find myself getting frustrated with bryant more lately...I think because I am so miserable with this heat and the pregnancy and the other day I yelled at him because he would listen to me and that baby came and put his hands on my face and said mommy dont scream we dont act like that then he said i was his baby and ran off to play! I really have no grasp of people who either dnt want their kids or abuse them. I get frustrated with mine but I love that baby more than anything! Kids are blessings from God that enrich your life and make it better not to hold you back or be a burden. We are struggling with what we will do after this baby is born if we want more and the truth is I think I do. This pregnancy has been rough but I want a big family and I want to live to be old and grey and experience everything with these kids. I can't wish their childhoods away of course but I know it'll be an adventure!