Friday, March 26, 2010

Self Esteem

I think self esteem is so important in girls.It can be a huge reason for girls getting sexually active at a young age as well as trying to fit in and follow the crowd. I know these things are true because it describes me at 18. I hung out with people who I shouldn't have and did things that weren't really what I wanted to be doing because I wanted so badly to fit in. I was your run of the mill dork in high school. I had crooked teeth, frizzy hair and jeans that were made for the flood. I was tall and skinny and had no boobs or other assets. I've mentioned my step dad in some of my other blogs, he was the total package...if your looking for a total loser that needs to be shot! I was told daily that I was fat, looked like a poodle, a stick, you name it I heard it. So as you can imagine I dated guys who I wasn't even attracted to just because I was so shocked someone was interested in me! Well as time went on and I got older I met a girl who changed my life. She was my best friend, a co-worker, and eventually my roommate. She was tall and thin and gorgeous. Every guy stopped to give her a second look and she was so confident. She carried herself so well, I was so amazed.I eventually could walk in a bar and dance, and flirt, and meet people and feel like it was okay and I wasn't a huge nerd. She helped me socialize and feel like I deserved to be looked at by guys. I ended up dating and hanging out with better looking and more interesting guys that were actually the type I was interested in. So I feel like I learned alot from her because she always had something positive to say to me, she helped me get over a lot of the negativity that had been brought on in my teen years. Well now I have never totally overcome those me ask anyone who knows me. I struggle with this everyday. I am never totally satisfied with myself, I'm always trying to color, cut and style my hair differently to keep from getting that...OMG you look just like your mother (trust me this is NOT a compliment, you make me cry) So I have found as I have gotten older and had my son my weight gain didn't just fall off. Lots of people said oh you look great your the same size. Well I am definitely not. I actually am like 3 sizes bigger in jeans now than when my husband and I started dating and now being pregnant's not good my weight is on my mind pretty much all the time. I have already gained 20 lbs. and have 3 more months left to go. I think that with all the celebrities and the plastic surgery and the images the media puts out there about what's hot and what's's hard to feel good about yourself. I am having those issues now, always feeling fat, always feeling inadequate. I want to look good for my husband and kids. I am working on this issue and may never totally get past all my issues but I feel like there are insecurities with most all of the women I know so maybe I am not the only one!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Common Courtesy

It's 2010 I get it, I'm hip. However I live in the south, in the boon sticks! There are no red lights where I live, the 4 way stop is it for us. We thought we hit it big with our McDonald's. With that said, you would think living in the country people would be kind and neighborly and courteous! Not the case with my newest neighbors. Their dog has been barking now for oh I'd say about 3 months straight! Tonight I am going nuts, I am 25 weeks pregnant, can't sleep as it is and my husband has to be up for work at 2:45 AM!!! It is now 11:06 PM we are all wide awake listening to this stupid dog bark! The police just left giving me nothing but advice on how to handle the situation legally and wishing he could do something! I have had it with the barking. We have contacted the home owners, we have had the police over to their house 4 times for the dog breaking out of the fence and chasing my fat pregnant self. Where does it end? How do they sleep? It's a large bulldog not a tiny little poodle. This is no squeak people. We are talking loud as heck and the most annoying sound in Snead tonight! I am at a loss. I now have to go battle the whole dang town council to get these ordinances in place to be able to sleep at night! This is ridiculous! I am a law abiding tax paying citizen! I am only asking for whats fair and descent for me and my family! I really don't think I am being unreasonable to ask that I am allowed a good nights sleep in my own home! Is anyone with me on this? I know in my heart I am not being unreasonable. This is just plain ole southern hospitality mixed with a little common courtesy and plain ole good neighbor policy! Have some respect for those around you!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pregnancy Week 25

OMG so this baby is obviously very active and very big. I am totally feeling it, having trouble breathing and doing my daily activity. I tried walking today and I realized exactly how bad out of shape I am as well as how rough the next couple of months are going to be. This weather is fabulous but with warm gorgeous weather comes the need to wear shorts...something my legs are definitely not ready for. The sad part though? I tried to wear my maternity shorts from Bryant and they are too tight! This is horrible and seriously brought me to tears with the realization that not only did I gain and keep the weight on from Bryant I have already packed on 20lbs in this pregnancy.So I guess I have got to start eating a little better and getting a lot more active! Sleeping is a lot harder now, getting comfortable is so hard but then throw the whole having to pee every couple hours in the mix and it is a bad combination. Bryant is still sleeping with us which I know I have got to start working on because I have got to have him potty trained and out of the bed with us within the next say 15 weeks...this is way harder than any full time job lol! I am having numbness and tingling in my legs from Mason laying on my nerve. I have constant heartburn or indigestion. Did I mention I asked for this? I wanted another baby so that Bryant wouldn't grow up like me an only child who was lonely. So another summer baby which means I get the pleasure of the next couple of very hot and humid Alabama weather. Oh well the countdown is on!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I know I am just full of stuff to blog about today but I have got to get this off my chest and I totally think some of you will agree. I do not have a teenager myself but I have nieces and cousins and friends kids and I have got to say this. What in the heck has happened to these little girls being little girls? Since when did 13 year old date? And have you been to the mall lately on the weekend? What are they wearing? I am reading their myspace and facebooks and they are saying they are in love and I have seriously read...He is my everything, my lover and my best friend...excuse me Why are their moms not reading this stuff? I know you can't keep tabs on every second of a kids day but I am so appalled by the things these kids are doing and saying on front of their parents. It's like they act like they are 21 and no one is trying to make them be kids. That's how these young girls are getting pregnant. When a 13 year old is sitting and saying to their friends and everyone on the internet that they are in love he is my everything, I'm so glad I have someone to hold. I am so sickened by all of this. It's crazy to me. I am so scared for my babies to grow up and this be the way these girls are acting. Have they heard of STD's, pregnancy, or any of the other crap out there? Of course not because they are little girls. Marks niece was pregnant at 14. This is real, it is happening in our own backyards...well hopefully not literally...we will rephrase... this is happening in our communities. I don't have the answers but this sucks!

My relationship with my mother

My past with my mother is a long and complicated chain of events that has very few happy parts and lots of pain and emotional turmoil. I lost my daddy at 9 and it was kind of down hill after that for me and her. I love her don't get me wrong she is my mother but we have never had that bond. We don't get along, we don't have the same views or opinions on anything. So basically its rocky at best.The step dad from hell thing for 7 years didn't really do anything to aid in our getting closer, the late night trips to the ER and visits from DHR were of no help either! Here's my thing, she loves my son! Like she seriously acts like he is the best and most important thing in her life. That's great but I'm her real actual daughter, she had me, like birthed me, raised me, etc. She comes in my house and doesn't even speak to me, like walks in and ignores me like I don't exist! She calls to talk to my son and if he is say napping or whatever she just hangs up! She has these issues where she wants to control me and everything in my life. If I say black she says white, so she wants to be the boss here at my house and it like infuriates me! I don't know where to draw the I ask her to not say or do certain things in front of Bryant to influence him it just makes her do it more. So I feel like no matter what the situation no matter what I say to her it turns into an argument. It's so hard because I don't have a relationship with her. She doesn't want to accept that we are having another baby. She has made fun of the name we picked. I don't understand why I lost my daddy and then had to have such a crappy maternal bond but those are questions that I will never have answers to. So to try and live in the here and now and trying to be an adult and good mother to my own babies and not hold a's all proving to make no difference to her at all. I am very confused by the whole situation, I am at a total loss for how to handle this. I would go into detail but trust me I could write a book. So if any of you have any advice or insight into how to handle this I am totally open to all options. And just so you know we have already thought about moving, attack dogs, and whitness relocation...they all seem a little drastic lol! I am trying to make light of this but in all seriousness this is a source of constant pain and stress for me. I think most anybody would agree with me that you value your relationship with your mothers. Your suppose to look to them for guidance and support and encouragement. I sometimes wonder if she resents me or hates me even. I use all the bad ugly negative things I have gone through with her as examples of how I want to do things different in my own parenting of my boys. I never want them to feel the way I have felt over the years it is so painful and it makes you feel so alone! Sorry to be Debby Downer today, she and I had a huge fight and I just can't shake it. She knows exactly what to say and do to get under my skin!

Saturday, March 20, 2010


Okay so let me start out by saying I freak in love being a mother! It's like the most wonderful feeling in the world for my son to hug me and say I love you mommy, your my baby. It seriously makes me melt! With that being said I didn't always want to be a mom. I haven't always had the best relationship with my basically our good times stopped when my dad died we never could connect she says its cause we are so much alike, I along with others have a different opinion but enough about that for now. I got a little wild after high school lots of drinking away my sorrows and what not. So I was a free spirit, very rebellious, and a spontaneous person.I was a good time lol but not responsible! So when I met Mark after the couple of years of travel, partying, and general freedom we decide we would like to have kids and don't want to prevent anymore. In comes my little man Bryant on the scene! Best choice I have ever made! It hasn't always been easy, in fact right after I had him I wanted to go back to work, I thought this kid hates me. Well he eventually came around and so did I and now I couldn't imagine life without him! I am also looking forward to the arrival of Mason Tyde a.k.a. Baby Brother as Bryant refers to him! With all this being said...some women should not have children. It is a huge responsibility! It is life changing..O and P.S. it's forever! I am definitely no saint or perfect mother but if you are too dumb for birth control...motherhood might not be your thing. I have witnessed some pretty crappy things lately going on with people I am related to and acquainted with and it makes me sick! If you have a baby whether you are 16 or 26, that baby is number one! That means it goes where you go, it eats before you eat, you do whatever is necessary to make sure it is cared for 100%. Boyfriends, parties, and socialization are all in last place! Your mother is not responsible for raising your baby cause you couldn't keep your clothes on. Your siblings, baby daddy, or baby daddy's momma is not your babysitter for you to have "me time". I'm not saying no one ever needs me time, heck I could use 10 min a day..that's why moms pee so much lol! When your baby calls her maw maw mommy cause she don't see you enough that's a problem. When you had rather stay out all night partying or sleeping over at some dudes house..that's a problem. I am so sickened seeing kids that need shoes or clothes or something paid for at school and I hear a parent say I'm broke we can't afford it...hey your holding a pack of Marlboro's that's 4$ at least...or 4 shirts from a yard sale for your kid! People need to look at their priorities and WAKE UP!!! I'm sorry for the gripe, this is my outlet for venting and you don't have to agree with me but this seems to be a common sense thing for me, everything I just said here is logical and my opinion...feel free to correct me if you feel I am wrong! But these kids are the ones suffering, I couldn't sleep at night thinking I put myself before my kids. They are my life. I am very sickened by some things I have witnessed lately, things that hit pretty close to home and I just pray that these kids get a fair shot and don't get kipped cause their moms suck. They didn't ask to be born! Thanks for reading and Happy Parenting!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Living the Dream

So Mark and I had such a wonderful romance in the beginning we kind of over did it on the spending. We put ourselves in some pretty serious debt. We had some help from hospital bills along the way from his past( no fault of his own, he was a junior in high school)Anyway...we have overcome bankruptcy (yes I know I am 26 he is 28 and your thinking Bankruptcy?) but it was totally necessary! We liked to travel eat out and shop like insane people and use credit cards for it all when we were like 21 and morons! So we are now getting past that and have made a home for ourselves. We finally have nice things that we have worked very hard to get and couldn't be happier. We have learned some very hard and expensive life lessons! But I honestly feel like it has made us stronger and smarter and now we are debt free. So we are trying to be more like Dave Ramsey lol! Anyway if I can be of any advice to anyone out there please head my cards are the devil..paying for it later is a horrible idea and if you can't pay cash you really don't need it that bad you can save and wait for later, and who knows maybe it'll go on sale or you'll get a coupon lol! Anyway I learned a very valuable lesson today! I would like to share this with all of you! At a local store in our lovely Gadsden Mall (it will remain nameless I can't afford a lawsuit lol)my husband and I purchased a bed in a bag set which in all cost us 250 after curtains and tax. Well we get it home and realize that 250$ DOES NOT include sheets! Come on really???? So after returning it and getting our money back we make a little trip over to TJ Maxx...can I just say that's the smartest thing I have done all week? After a week straight of searching for nursery bedding I not only got all my nursery bedding I also got a complete bed in a bag that was just as nice if not nicer all for the grand total of 175$. So lesson learned...well it's totally obvious! By taking that one simple trip into another store I got bedding for 2 rooms instead of one and I am so much is my husband! So I went to the doctor today for my check up and gained another ten pounds... I gotta go eat some ice cream all this weight gain has me hungry! lol By the way this will not be funny in 4 months when I am fat as a cow and crying over not loosing the weight! Good Night ALL!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


So family is a funny thing. Little back ground on me...only child well kinda daddy had kids with previous marriages and they were way older than me so I have never lived in the house with either of them and they've never really been in my life.So my daddy passed away when I was nine and I got stuck with the crappiest step dad in the history of crappy step dads trust me...if you were in my life from 10-16 you totally understand! So after all the years of mental and physical abuse of my mother and I he exits stage right in a very dramatic scene like something in a movie! So fast forward a couple years my mother has completely isolated herself from her family and took me along for that ride! So then we have my dads family...they pretty much hate her cause she was 20 years younger than my dad and then a year after he dies she brings one of his best friends to live on my daddy's family's land where we live..u get the picture. So my mom and I have a complicated relationship at best. I know she is the only family I have because my daddy's brother threw us off the family land about a week after my maw maw passed away(RIP u were my only ali in that whole crazy thing and I owe you so much)So here I am no family on either side that want me in their lives. Let's just say Christmas and Thanksgiving were very depressing for me sitting home cooking huge meals for me and my mom. Anyway we have a rocky relationship like I said neither of us agree with the other on anything and I mean anything...any of you who know me at all have a full understanding of what things are like for us. If I say white she says black etc... So when I met Mark I thought that it was so wonderful that he had sisters and cousins and a huge family. So I adopted them as my own and surrounded myself with them for holidays and any time I could. I was trying to fill a void! Well lets first say I understand this is not little house on the prairie and life is not sunshine and roses in real life! But I have this hope, dream, or false image in my head of holidays, birthdays, and BBQ surrounded by all these people and its so fun and loving and normal! Now lets wake up to the real world and say that 9 times out of ten they are all at each others throats! So I wake up from my la la land I have created in my head and realize that my friends are my family! They are who I turn to for support, comfort, and love! They are who I call to share all my exciting news, who I invite over for dinners, BBQ and birthdays or a nice quiet night of Wii. So to all of those friends and you know who you are I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me through everything, for listening to me when I need to vent, and for making me smile! You will never know how much you all mean to me!

Monday, March 15, 2010


I am about to be in my 3rd trimester. I have a very clear memory of my last trimester with Bryant. I couldn't get things clean enough. I seriously shampooed the carpets in our house like 20 times in one week cause i said I will not bring a baby home until the water comes out of this machine as clean as it went in! Well I am in that same frame of mind with this baby! All I can do is try to hang up clothes and rearrange and decorate and shop online for things that I feel like I have to have today. I have until the end on June at least but it seems like if I don't have the items I will bust. So I have Bryant a comforter ordered for his bed it wont be here til the 25th neither will his bookshelf or the other 3 things I ordered..but wait did you notice I said Bryants...yeah I am freaking out about the nursery but totally unable to come up with a theme so I am putting all this time and energy into Bryant's room. So it is now painted, has a new bed and armiore, comforter and bookshelf ordered and on the way. But my poor baby Mason, I can't decide on a bedding set for him so therefore his room can't be painted. And his beds not put together and his room is still the junk room it is piled full of everything I need to put in a yard sale and get rid of! I can't wait for the next warm weekend we have because I am having a huge yard sale! But for now I have to stop obsessing and nesting and relax! Easier said than done!

Who makes the desions?

Okay this is a total gripe session but today I made a trip to the health dept. Everybody knows thats no fun. However, I need WIC for this new baby because if you haven't bought formula in a while it is outrageous! So as I am sitting and talking to one of the nurses I got hit with anger. Let me lay this out for you and see if you can see where I am coming from. My hubby is a correctional officer, great job that he loves but we are by no means rolling in the dough! So for our health insurance he pays 55$ a week. Well let's say that one of us gets sick which was the case today ( Mark has the flu). So he goes to the dr, pays a 30$ co-pay so that's 85$ this week out of our pocket! Well then there are lab fees that's 9$. Okay then lets talk prescriptions. Tamiflu 87$ Do you see how easily we were out 200$ in one day. Now let's talk about all the poeple lined up at the health dept. to get their free health care, no co-pays, no lab fees, oh wait and free prescriptions! Most of them don't even have jobs, Now don't get me wrong I am more than happy to see a single mom who may be struggling in there getting help for herself or kids. There are poeple out there who really are down on their luck and I have no problem with them getting these things for free. But when you have 5 kids and 5 seperate baby daddys and you don't work have free health care, WIC, and food stamps, free rent and who knows what else...well you can see why I have no problem getting my free WIC when my hisband works and pays taxes and it angers me to shell out 200$ for him to have the flu! It seems so unfair and unjust! Who makes these laws and rules? They obviously don't see the big picture. Let's throw some more money into a bailout for some corporate idiot who makes over a million a year. That makes way more logic doesn't it? Okay well enough griping for one night! Good Night!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Discipline is a complicated thing for me with my 2 year old. When he goes into a time out all I hear is " I won't do it no more...can I get up now?" Then when he is told no he flings himself around like a crazy person crying for 60 seconds or so before inevitably saying" I won't do it no more...can I get up now?" Spankings get his attention but then I end up feeling bad because he is so fair complected if I ever get an inch of skin it turns red and I internally freak out that I've left a mark on my child. It's a really difficult thing being a parent. You want your child to be well behaved all the time but especially in public or in group settings. I was always one of those people who judged parents in public for various disciplines...when now I see everyone does it different. I always try to make my son stay quiet and be polite in public places like restaurants but the truth is the older he gets the louder and more disobedient he has become! It's hard to see other kids acting out, screaming, and running around but tell him he can't. He doesn't understand why he can't do what they are doing. I am not a huge fan of spanking in public but if he really does something I don't like hes gonna get it whether we are alone or 50 people are standing around. I want to raise a child that is "restaurant trained" as my friends call it, and also has very good manners and is over all well behaved. I know he is only 2 and this may sound like asking a lot but you can't wait til their out of control and say oh yeah I think we are gonna start making you mind today! So for now I am at a total power struggle with discipline and exactly how it should be handled.

Monday, March 8, 2010


Etiquette for dogs doesn't seem to be something established in my community! When you sneeze or cough or hold a door open for someone..there are so many times a day that you use etiquette for so many different things. When your a pet owner I think you should use your manners! My neighbor has a chain link huge fence surrounding his house, you know what's in it? Not his 5 dogs! My yard is covered in poop, they have eaten a pair of 75$ shoes off of my porch, a 50$ jacket of my sons, and a baby toy of my unborn! I have had it! I've asked the guy to do something and he refused to do anything. So what do I do? The normal answer would be the humane society but I live in the most rural backwoods place that believe it or not in 2010 does not have a leash law, nuscence ordinance or anything to protect my rights! I am so furious about this! I really feel like it is my yard if I leave shoes on my porch then they should be there when I return...did I mention they wouldn't be on the porch if my husband hadn't stepped in poop due to his dogs? My sons play area looks like a poop palace for the neighbors dogs...what to do... I am off to ponder my options!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Hi, I'm new to blogging and just looking for an outlet to vent, get things off my chest, and hopefully shed some light and knowledge on subjects I am familiar with! I am a southern girl born and raised. I'm a married mom of 1 with another on the way! 2 little boys is going to be a handful but also a blast! I can't wait for t-ball, pee wee football and soccer to start for my boys! I am a stay at home mom who is interested in being the best mom and wife I can be. I hope to help other moms with tips and tricks I've learned and I may learn a thing or two as well. Let's get started by talking about children with no manners. When we go out to eat our son goes with us. He is part of this family and I refuse to exclude him unless of course it's a special occasion such as an anniversary or adults only gathering where drinking will be present. With that said he is 2, knows how to eat on his own fork, napkin, drink, the whole nine yards. Why am I seeing a 4 year old still eating with their fingers, making huge messes, screaming crying and showing out? I don't think I am asking too much for a nice dinner out with my family with no screaming and crying. How about son is expected to say thank you and please when dealing with us or the waiter..that's just good manners? Is that a lost art? Don't you think this is something to be taught from an early age? I can't imagine my son saying fix me a drink like he is commanding me! He asks mommy I need more drink or mommy can I have more drink, always followed by thank you! I see kids disrespecting their parents and you think if they don't use manners with their own mother how can you expect that when they are dealing with someone like a waiter? Sorry for the gripe..just bugs me!