Tuesday, March 23, 2010
My relationship with my mother
My past with my mother is a long and complicated chain of events that has very few happy parts and lots of pain and emotional turmoil. I lost my daddy at 9 and it was kind of down hill after that for me and her. I love her don't get me wrong she is my mother but we have never had that bond. We don't get along, we don't have the same views or opinions on anything. So basically its rocky at best.The step dad from hell thing for 7 years didn't really do anything to aid in our getting closer, the late night trips to the ER and visits from DHR were of no help either! Here's my thing, she loves my son! Like she seriously acts like he is the best and most important thing in her life. That's great but I'm her real actual daughter, she had me, like birthed me, raised me, etc. She comes in my house and doesn't even speak to me, like walks in and ignores me like I don't exist! She calls to talk to my son and if he is say napping or whatever she just hangs up! She has these issues where she wants to control me and everything in my life. If I say black she says white, so she wants to be the boss here at my house and it like infuriates me! I don't know where to draw the line...like I ask her to not say or do certain things in front of Bryant to influence him it just makes her do it more. So I feel like no matter what the situation no matter what I say to her it turns into an argument. It's so hard because I don't have a relationship with her. She doesn't want to accept that we are having another baby. She has made fun of the name we picked. I don't understand why I lost my daddy and then had to have such a crappy maternal bond but those are questions that I will never have answers to. So to try and live in the here and now and trying to be an adult and good mother to my own babies and not hold a grudge...it's all proving to make no difference to her at all. I am very confused by the whole situation, I am at a total loss for how to handle this. I would go into detail but trust me I could write a book. So if any of you have any advice or insight into how to handle this I am totally open to all options. And just so you know we have already thought about moving, attack dogs, and whitness relocation...they all seem a little drastic lol! I am trying to make light of this but in all seriousness this is a source of constant pain and stress for me. I think most anybody would agree with me that you value your relationship with your mothers. Your suppose to look to them for guidance and support and encouragement. I sometimes wonder if she resents me or hates me even. I use all the bad ugly negative things I have gone through with her as examples of how I want to do things different in my own parenting of my boys. I never want them to feel the way I have felt over the years it is so painful and it makes you feel so alone! Sorry to be Debby Downer today, she and I had a huge fight and I just can't shake it. She knows exactly what to say and do to get under my skin!