Friday, March 26, 2010

Self Esteem

I think self esteem is so important in girls.It can be a huge reason for girls getting sexually active at a young age as well as trying to fit in and follow the crowd. I know these things are true because it describes me at 18. I hung out with people who I shouldn't have and did things that weren't really what I wanted to be doing because I wanted so badly to fit in. I was your run of the mill dork in high school. I had crooked teeth, frizzy hair and jeans that were made for the flood. I was tall and skinny and had no boobs or other assets. I've mentioned my step dad in some of my other blogs, he was the total package...if your looking for a total loser that needs to be shot! I was told daily that I was fat, looked like a poodle, a stick, you name it I heard it. So as you can imagine I dated guys who I wasn't even attracted to just because I was so shocked someone was interested in me! Well as time went on and I got older I met a girl who changed my life. She was my best friend, a co-worker, and eventually my roommate. She was tall and thin and gorgeous. Every guy stopped to give her a second look and she was so confident. She carried herself so well, I was so amazed.I eventually could walk in a bar and dance, and flirt, and meet people and feel like it was okay and I wasn't a huge nerd. She helped me socialize and feel like I deserved to be looked at by guys. I ended up dating and hanging out with better looking and more interesting guys that were actually the type I was interested in. So I feel like I learned alot from her because she always had something positive to say to me, she helped me get over a lot of the negativity that had been brought on in my teen years. Well now I have never totally overcome those me ask anyone who knows me. I struggle with this everyday. I am never totally satisfied with myself, I'm always trying to color, cut and style my hair differently to keep from getting that...OMG you look just like your mother (trust me this is NOT a compliment, you make me cry) So I have found as I have gotten older and had my son my weight gain didn't just fall off. Lots of people said oh you look great your the same size. Well I am definitely not. I actually am like 3 sizes bigger in jeans now than when my husband and I started dating and now being pregnant's not good my weight is on my mind pretty much all the time. I have already gained 20 lbs. and have 3 more months left to go. I think that with all the celebrities and the plastic surgery and the images the media puts out there about what's hot and what's's hard to feel good about yourself. I am having those issues now, always feeling fat, always feeling inadequate. I want to look good for my husband and kids. I am working on this issue and may never totally get past all my issues but I feel like there are insecurities with most all of the women I know so maybe I am not the only one!

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