Tuesday, April 13, 2010
There are so many things as a parent that you question. I wonder if I am potty training the right way. I wonder if I should put him in pre-school or let him stay home with me because he has enough years of school as it is. I wonder if the way I disipline is right or wrong. I have feelings of guilt that we are not going to church and he is not being exposed to religion the way he should be. I wonder if I let him watch too much t.v. I question myself all the time and wonder if I am doing the best I can. Now I wonder how having this baby is going to impact Bryant and how I am going to keep things fair for him. Well now I have a new issue. Things have hit a crossroads with my mother ( read any previous blogs to see some background if you have questions) and she has been asked not to come back to our house. Bryant is too young to understand the negative impact she is having on him. All he knows is that she is his mimi and he loves her. She has basically made it clear that she has no feelings for me her own daughter or my husband that she is only here to see Bryant. She is rude, hateful, and disrespectful here in my own house. Mark has every right to say he works his butt off for this family and there is no reason for her to be here if she is just going to cause stress and drama for us. So Bryant has no means of understanding this. He keeps asking where she is and why he can't see her. I don't know the right way to explain to him whats going on. I am heartbroken for him. He is so sad sometimes and gets tears asking for her. When she is here she has told him not to be nice or share with the new baby. She has taught him that she is a good guy and we are bad guys.She tells him not to let his cousins and friends play with his toys. She has gone as far as trying to turn him against Mark's mother. She is a very unhappy miserable person and wants all those around her to be the same way. I am worrying myself about this so much just because I don't know the impact this may have on him. I remember my mawmaw and all I have is great memories, I love all the times I spent with her and I credit her with most of my raising and shaping me into the person I became. My mother and I have never been very close I was always very close with my daddy's mother. I want Bryant to have someone in his life to influence him and shape him the way she did me. I am stressed that I won't handle this the correct way. So for now I am trying to not mention anything unless he brings it up and say as little as possible. I can only hope that she will wake up one day and want to put down the beer and choose to put family first. I don't know what makes me think this since I am 26 and the beer has been first for 26 years but one can always hope.